2
IMPORTANT WARNING ON THE LIMITATIONS OF THIS
GUIDE
WARNING TO READERS: This guide does not provide legal opinions or legal advice and is
not intended to serve as a substitute for the advice of licensed, legal professionals. Neither
the Arizona Supreme Court, the Administrative Office of the Courts, nor the authors are
engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional services through this guide.
The Arizona Supreme Court, the Administrative Office of the Courts, and the authors do not
warrant that the information herein is complete or accurate and do not assume and hereby
disclaim any liability to any person for any loss or damage caused by errors, inaccuracies,
or omissions that may appear in this guide.
Laws and interpretations of laws change frequently, and the material contained in this
guide carries with it important legal consequences. Users of this material are solely
responsible for determining the applicability of any information contained in this guide to
their situation and are strongly encouraged to seek professional legal and other expert
assistance in resolving their parenting issues.
3
CONTENTS
Important Warning on the Limitations of this Guide ................................................................. 2
Using This Guide ........................................................................................................................................ 4
To Parents .................................................................................................................................................... 5
Which Plan Should We Choose? .......................................................................................................... 7
Parenting Time Schedules ...................................................................................................................... 9
Summary of Parenting Time Schedules ......................................................................................... 10
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans ................................................................. 21
Birth to 2 Years .......................................................................................................................... 21
2 to 3 Years ................................................................................................................................. 25
3 to 5 Years ................................................................................................................................. 28
6 to 9 Years ................................................................................................................................. 31
10 to 12 Years ............................................................................................................................. 35
Teenagers (13 to 18 Years) ................................................................................................... 39
Holidays, Vacations, and School Breaks ......................................................................................... 45
Long‐Distance Parenting and Relocation ...................................................................................... 49
Special Issues ............................................................................................................................................ 56
Absent Parent Reunification ................................................................................................ 56
Blended (Step) Families ......................................................................................................... 56
Breast‐Feeding ........................................................................................................................... 57
Children Who Don’t Want to Spend Time with a Parent ......................................... 57
Contact with an Incarcerated Parent ................................................................................ 58
High Conflict ............................................................................................................................... 58
Military ......................................................................................................................................... 59
Never Married............................................................................................................................ 59
Safety ............................................................................................................................................. 60
Schedules for Families with Children of Different Ages ........................................... 61
Special Needs Children ........................................................................................................... 61
Third‐Party Involvement ....................................................................................................... 61
Professional Services for Parents and Children ......................................................................... 62
Words You May Need to Know .......................................................................................................... 64
Workgroup Members ............................................................................................................................. 67
4
USING THIS GUIDE
This guide for parenting time is intended to provide helpful
ideas in making decisions about parenting time. A parenting
plan is a document that states when the children will be with
each parent (parenting time) and how major decisions will be
made (legal custody). This guide provides sample plans for
parents to use in reaching agreements or presenting proposals
to the court. Attorneys, mental health professionals, mediators,
and judges may also find the parenting time plans useful in
resolving family court disputes.
Parents are encouraged to read this material and seek
additional information and advice in order to make the best
decisions for their children. This guide will help parents reduce
conflict and reach agreements more easily.
Remember This
Guide:
IS a tool for parents;
IS NOT “the law”;
DOES NOT prohibit or limit parents or
judges from creating parenting plans that
differ from the sample plans presented
here;
DOES NOT mandate a minimum or
maximum amount of parenting time for
either parent; and
MAY NOT be helpful in all circumstances.
This guide is a
tool for you to
use to design a
parenting plan
that will work
best for you and
your children.
5
TO PARENTS
Raising children presents challenges. When parents live in separate
homes, the challenges are greater because relationships become
more complicated. Sometimes parents disagree about how much
time children should spend with each parent.
A statewide committee of judicial officers, mental health providers,
and attorneys created this planning guide after consulting with well‐known
experts on child development and after reviewing current
research and guidelines from other communities. Decisions about
parenting time depend on many things, particularly the age of the
child. This guide offers information about what a child learns, feels,
and needs at different ages. It also provides suggested plans for each
age group.
Unless special circumstances exist, preserving a healthy and ongoing
relationship between children and both parents after divorce or
separation is of greatest importance. Positive involvement with both
parents furthers the child's emotional and social development,
academic achievement, and overall adjustment. Adult children of
divorce describe the loss of contact with a parent and conflict
between their parents as the most painful part of divorce or parental
separation.
WHY PARENTING PLANS ARE NECESSARY
Written parenting plans provide children and parents with
predictability and consistency and can prevent future conflict. This
guide encourages open discussion and cooperation between parents.
Courts prefer that parents reach agreements about parenting time.
When parents reach agreements, they are more likely to cooperate
as their children grow up. Children do best when their parents
cooperate with each other. The reverse is also true. Children who
experience ongoing conflict between parents are at high risk for
suffering serious long‐term emotional problems. If parents need help
to work out the schedules, court‐sponsored and private mediation
services are available in most Arizona counties.
The parenting plan will also include a statement about legal custody.
In Arizona, parents may have sole or joint legal custody. Parents may
agree that one parent will have sole custody or that joint legal
To Parents
6
custody is in their children’s best interests. A parent who has sole
custody has the right to make major decisions about the children’s
health, education, and religious upbringing. Parents who have joint
legal custody make such decisions together, unless otherwise
specified. Parents with joint legal custody do not necessarily have
equal parenting time.
The key to successful co‐parenting is a written parenting plan that
states the agreements parents reach about legal custody, the sharing
of rights and privileges, and the schedule for parenting time. In
Arizona, joint legal custody requires a written parenting plan that
must be reviewed periodically and provides a way to resolve
conflicts about custody and parenting time. The parenting plan also
must include a statement that joint custody does not necessarily
mean equal parenting time.
HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE
Read the plans for your child’s age.
Talk with the other parent about
custody and parenting time that meets
your family’s needs.
Use the blank calendar on page 9 of
this guide to mark the days and times
each parent will have parenting time.
This guide includes sample calendars
with sample language to include in
court orders. These are examples only.
You can choose any days or times you
wish.
Parenting plan forms are available at
self‐service centers, in courthouses,
and on the Internet. Fill out the form
and file it with the court.
If you need help, contact your local
Conciliation Services Department at the
superior court or a private mediator. (See
page 62 for more information.)
7
WHICH PLAN SHOULD WE CHOOSE?
The following parenting time options are designed to allow parents
or the judge, if necessary, to choose the proper plan after considering
the family’s unique circumstances. Children differ in how long they
are comfortable being away from each parent. Some children like
spending more time at one home, while others move between homes
easily. Parents may need to accept disruption of their own schedule
and spend more or less time with their children than they prefer so
they can give the children a sense of security and well‐being.
When choosing a plan, parents should think about the child’s
relationship with each parent. It may benefit the child to change
from one plan to another as the child gets older. If a parent has never
been a part of a child's life or hasn’t had contact with the child for an
extended period, parenting time should start slowly and gradually
increase as the child adjusts and feels comfortable.
If parents don’t agree on custody and parenting time, the judge will
evaluate the case, decide custody, and order a plan the judge finds is
in the children’s best interests.
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER WHEN CHOOSING A PLAN
• How old is the child?
• How mature is the child?
• What is the child’s personality?
• How strong is the child’s attachment to each parent?
• Does the child or do the parents have any special needs?
• What are the child’s relationships with siblings and friends?
• Are the parents’ homes too far apart to maintain regular and
frequent contact? (See page 49 on "Long–Distance Parenting and
Relocation.”)
• How flexible are the parents’ and child’s schedules?
• What childcare arrangements are needed?
• How and where will exchanges take place?
• How will transportation be provided?
• How well can the parents communicate and cooperate?
• What are the child's and the parents' cultural and religious
practices?
Which Plan Should We Choose?
8
• Are there any parental fitness concerns, such as domestic
violence, substance abuse, or mental health problems?
• What is each parent’s ability and availability to care for the
child’s needs?
• Will the parent be able to exercise the parenting time
consistently?
CHILDREN BENEFIT WHEN
PARENTS:
• Help the child have regular contact with
the other parent by phone, letter, audio
and videotapes, e‐mail, and other forms of
communication
• Keep predictable schedules
• Are on time and have the child ready
when it���s time for the child to go with the
other parent
• Exchange the child without arguing
• Support the child’s relationship with the
other parent
• Let the child carry "important" items such
as favorite clothes, toys, and security
blankets with them between the parents'
homes
• Follow similar routines for mealtime,
bedtime, and homework time
• Handle rules and discipline in similar
ways
• Support contact with grandparents, step‐parents,
and other extended family so the
child doesn’t lose these relationships
• Are flexible so the child can take part in
special family celebrations and events
• Give as much advance notice as possible
to the other parent about special
occasions or necessary changes to the
schedule
• Provide the other parent with travel
dates, destinations, and places where the
child and the parent can be reached when
on vacation
• Establish workable and respectful
communication with the other parent
• Plan their vacations around the child’s
regularly scheduled activities.
CHILDREN ARE HARMED WHEN
PARENTS:
• Make their child choose between them
• Question their child about the other
parent's activities or relationships
• Make promises they don’t keep
• Drop in and out of the child’s life
• Are inconsistent in using their parenting
time
• Argue with or put down the other parent
in front of the child or where the child
can overhear
• Discuss their personal problems with the
child or where the child can overhear
• Use the child as a messenger, spy, or
mediator
• Stop or interfere with parenting time
because child support hasn’t been paid
• Don’t show respect for each other
• Undermine the child’s relationship with
the other parent.
9
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULES
The following plans are just ideas that may or may not work
for your children. Feel free to use one of the numbered plans
or design a plan that works best for your children, based on
work, school, activities, and other considerations.
Use this blank calendar to design the schedule that best meets
your needs.
It’s recommended that you read the Child Development
section that applies to your child before deciding on a
parenting time schedule.
Parenting Time Schedule
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat
Parenting Time Schedules
10
5
SUMMARY OF PARENTING TIME SCHEDULES
Plan No. Description
PAGE
BIRTH24
MOS.
24 – 36 MOS.
3 – 5 YEARS
6 – 9 YEARS
10 12
YEARS
TEENAGERS
Three periods of 3‐5 hours spaced
throughout each week
12
23
Two periods of 4‐6 hours spaced throughout
each week
12
23
Two 3‐5 hour periods and one 8‐hour period
spaced throughout each week
12
23
24
25
Two periods of 3‐6 hours and 1 overnight
each week
13
23
24
One period of three to six hours and two
non‐consecutive overnights each week
13
24
26
An equal parenting time schedule where the
child isn’t away from the other parent for
more than two consecutive days
*Caution – This plan is designed only for
those parents who can agree on this plan.
14
24 * * *
One period of 3‐6 hours and two consecutive
overnights each week
15
27
1
3
4
6
7
2
Parenting Time Schedules
11
9
10
11
13
Plan No. Description
PAGE
BIRTH2
YEARS
2 TO 3 YEARS
3 – 5 YEARS
6 – 9 YEARS
10 12
YEARS
TEENAGERS
Two days with one parent (including overnights)
followed by 3 days with the other parent
(including overnights) with this schedule
continuing over time
15
27
Two consecutive overnights every other week. An
additional three‐ to six‐hour period or overnight
may be added each week.
16
29
32
36
42
Three consecutive overnights every other week
and an additional 4‐6‐hour period each week
16
29
32
36
43
Four consecutive overnights during Week 1 and
one overnight during Week 2
17
29
33
37
43
Split each week and weekend
18
30
33
37
43
Each parent has the same 2 consecutive weekday
overnights each week and alternates the
weekends
19
30
34
38
43
The parents share time with the child during
alternating 7‐day periods. A midweek overnight
period is optional with the parent who doesn’t
have parenting time that week.
20
34
38
44
8
12
14
Parenting Time Schedules
12
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE: PLANS 1, 2 AND 3
Parenting Time: Plan
1
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
Advantages of Plans 1, 2, and 3:
• The child has frequent but short visits
with the non-custodial parent.
• Offers consistency and predictability
• The custodial parent gets a few
“breaks” throughout the week.
Disadvantages of Plans 1, 2, and 3:
• There are 6 exchanges each week,
which might be difficult if the parents
don’t get along.
• The week may seem a bit “choppy” or
broken up.
Parenting Time: Plan 2
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
Parenting Time: Plan 3
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1
2 3
13
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE: PLANS 4 AND 5
Parenting Time:
Plan 4
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
Advantages of Plan 4:
• The child has frequent but short visits
with the non-custodial parent.
• The custodial parent has a few
“breaks” throughout the week.
• There is consistency and
predictability.
Disadvantages of Plan 4:
• There are 5-6 exchanges each week,
which might be difficult if the parents
don’t get along.
• The week may seem a bit “choppy” or
broken up.
Advantages of Plan 5:
• The child has frequent but short visits
with the non-custodial parent.
• The custodial parent has almost daily
“breaks.”
Disadvantages of Plan 5:
• There are many (almost daily)
exchanges, which might be difficult if
the parents don’t get along.
• The week may seem a bit “choppy” or
broken up.
Parenting Time: Plan 5
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
4
5
Parenting Time Schedules
14
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE: PLAN 6
Advantages of Plan 6
• The child never goes more than two days
without seeing a parent.
• Many parents like the longer blocks of
time to better bond with the child.
Disadvantages of Plan 6
• There is no consistency (what happens in
one week does not happen again for four
weeks), which may make it hard to make
plans.
• Some young children may dislike not
seeing a parent for two full days.
• The week may seem a bit “choppy” or
broken up.
• Neither parent has a full weekend with
or without the child.
Parenting Time: Plan 6
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
6
Comment: The use of Plan 6 requires a high
degree of communication between the parents,
a low level of conflict about how to parent, and
work schedules and living arrangements that
limit the stress on the child. Plan 6 is designed
only for those parents who can agree on this
plan.
Research clearly shows that children are at risk
of being harmed if parents argue, act
disrespectfully toward each other, and can’t
talk to each other about their child.
Parenting Time Schedules
15
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE: PLANS 7 AND 8
Parenting Time:
Plan 7
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
Advantages of Plan 7:
• The child sees the non-custodial parent 3-
5 days per week and the custodial parent
almost daily.
Disadvantages of Plan 7:
• Only Mondays are consistent every week.
• May seem “choppy” or fragmented
• There are 3-5 exchanges each week,
which might be difficult if the parents
don’t get along.
Advantages of Plan 8:
• Each parent has solid blocks of time (2-3
days) with the child.
Disadvantages of Plan 8:
• Inconsistent from week to week (what
happens on Monday in Week 1 doesn’t
occur in Week 2)
• It may be confusing for the parents to
follow and remember which days they are
to care for the child.
• Only rarely would a parent have a full
weekend.
• It might be hard to arrange the child’s
extracurricular activities unless both
parents agree. For example, if one parent
wants to enroll the child in karate on
Mondays and the other parent doesn’t
agree, the child may miss several lessons.
Parenting Time: Plan 8
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
7
8
Parenting Time Schedules
16
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE: PLANS 9 AND 10
Parenting Time: Plan 9
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat
Optional Plan 10 modification:
Parenting Time: Plan 10 Parenting Time: Plan 10
S M Tu W Th F S S M Tu W Th F S
Alternate Sundays can be overnights. Alternate Wednesdays (before other
parent’s weekend) can be overnight.
• Every Wednesday can be overnight OR
• Both alternate Wednesdays and alternate Sundays are overnight.
9
10
Advantages of Plans 9 and 10:
• Consistency/predictability
throughout the school week
Disadvantages of Plans 9 and 10:
• Limited time for one parent
• The child does not see one
parent for six days in alternate
weeks.
Parenting Time Schedules
17
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE: PLAN 11 (ALTERNATING
WEEKENDS)
Parenting Time: Plan 11
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat
Advantages of Plan 11:
• Minimal parental face-to-face contact
(none if exchange is Monday morning
at school and pick-up is every Thursday
at school)
• Consistency and predictability most
weekdays (school days)
• Alternate prolonged weekends
(Thursday-Sunday) often appealing in
the summer for short trips
Disadvantages of Plan 11:
• Six-day block every other week when
the child does not see the non-residential
parent
• Some children may have difficulty on
Monday at school after being away
from the primary parent for four days.
Optional Plan 11 modifications:
Parenting Time – Plan 11 Parenting Time – Plan 11
S M Tu W Th F S S M Tu W Th F S
End weekend on Sunday evening Add Wednesday in alternate weeks
11
Parenting Time Schedules
18
12 PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE: PLAN 12 (SPLIT WEEK)
Optional Plan 12 modifications:
Parenting Time: Plan 12 Parenting Time: Plan 12
S M Tu W Th F S S M Tu W Th F S
The exchange can occur on Saturday evening. The exchange can alternate between
Saturday evening one week and Sunday
morning the next week.
Parenting Time : Plan 12
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat
Advantages of Plan 12:
• The child never goes more than
three days without seeing a parent.
• Consistency and predictability each
week
• The child can “settle in” at each
household for a few days.
• Most children enjoy having a “stay
home” (weekend) day with each
parent every week.
Disadvantages of Plan 12:
• Neither parent has a full weekend
(although this can be
accommodated with flexibility
and/or with the holiday and
vacation plans).
Parenting Time Schedules
19
13 PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE: PLAN 13
Optional Plan 13 modification:
The Wednesday/Thursday parent’s time
can end on Sunday evening.
Parenting Time: Plan 13
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat
Parenting Time: Plan 13
S M Tu W Th F S
Advantages of Plan 13:
• All exchanges can occur at school
or daycare, which is easier for
most children to handle.
• No parental face-to-face contact,
which makes this an ideal plan for
high-conflict parents
• Consistency and predictability on
weekdays
• Full weekends for each parent
• Five-day blocks may be appealing
to many parents (especially in the
summer for “mini” vacations”).
Disadvantages of Plan 13:
• Five days may be too long to be
away from one or both parents.
• Transitioning every 2-5 days may
seem hard for some children
(especially ensuring that their
clothes, books, toys, etc.,
accompany them).
Parenting Time Schedules
20
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE: PLAN 14
(ALTERNATING WEEKS)
Parenting Time: Plan 14
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat
Optional Plan 14 modification:
Add a mid-week visit (limited hours or
overnight).
Parenting Time: Plan 14
Sun M Tu W Th F Sat
Advantages of Plan 14:
• Limited transitions (actually none if
transitions occur at school)
• The child is able to “settle in” at
each parent’s home.
• By starting the alternate week on
Friday, the child has the weekend to
adjust to the upcoming family
environment.
Disadvantages of Plan 14:
• Requires effective parental
communication and cooperation to
arrange weekly activities (for
example, soccer on Tuesdays would
have to be agreed upon, flute
lessons on Thursday, etc.)
• Seven days away from each parent
may be unsettling for some children
(particularly younger ones).
• Transitioning to the other parent’s
household after being gone a week
may be difficult.
14
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
21
CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND SUGGESTED PARENTING PLANS
These plans take into consideration different kinds of situations
between parents and children. The bond between a parent and child
will continue to grow as long as the parent remains actively involved
with the child. However, some parents may not have had the
opportunity to begin forming that bond. For example, when a plan
includes overnights, it’s presumed that the parent with parenting
time not only has care‐giving experience but that the child is
sufficiently bonded to and used to being in the care of that parent.
BIRTH TO 2 YEARS
Babies learn quickly. They are learning to love and trust familiar
caregivers. Babies become attached to parents and others through
consistent, loving responses such as holding, playing, feeding,
soothing, talking gently and lovingly, stimulating, creating bedtime
and bath time routines, and prompt attention to their needs. Babies
begin to respond to a range of different (but equally valuable) types
of parenting styles that each parent provides.
Most parents have different ways of parenting. It’s helpful if parents
share information about how they’re parenting the child while the
child is in their care. In addition, parents need to be sensitive to their
baby’s emotional reactions, ability to adjust to changes when going
from one parent to the other, and mood. It helps when parents talk
about these things when making or changing schedules.
Babies can’t remember things they experienced over time – in other
words, “out of sight, out of mind.” Therefore, it’s important that they
have frequent contact with each of their parents and have a stable
schedule and routine. On the other hand, babies do have "emotional
memories" of conflict that can have long‐term negative effects, so
parents shouldn’t argue when children, even babies, can hear the
arguing. Many babies are sensitive to the tension between the
parents at exchange, time, so if you can’t be pleasant to each other,
you may need someone else to help with the exchange times.
At around six months, babies can recognize their parents and other
caregivers and may become uneasy around strangers. Regular
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
22
Make exchanges easier
for your child by
following predictable
schedules, avoiding
conflict with the other
parent in front of your
child, and supporting
your child’s relationship
with the other parent.
caregivers understand how the child signals the need for food,
comfort, and sleep. When away from parents or significant
caregivers, babies may become anxious and have eating and sleeping
problems. However, being away from one parent or caregiver and in
the care of the other parent to whom the child is bonded shouldn’t
be a problem for most babies.
Babies have basic sleep, feeding, and waking schedules. It’s
important to keep the baby on these schedules. Parents should work
out their own plans so they don’t interfere with the baby’s normal
routine. Also, in creating parenting plans for this age group, parents
ought to think about the special needs of breast‐feeding babies.
Nursing mothers may want to express milk and send bottles with the
baby so the father can feed the baby during his parenting time.
(For more information, see Breast‐Feeding on page 57.)
One‐ to two‐year‐olds are becoming more aware of the
world around them and the people who have a lot of
contact with them. A baby at this age can be attached
to many caregivers, including grandparents,
extended family members, and daycare providers.
Babies are also becoming independent and
developing the ability to comfort themselves by
thumb sucking or holding onto favorite blankets or
toys. Their sleeping and eating schedules are
becoming regular. They continue to respond to the
different types of nurturing provided by their parents.
Two‐year‐olds commonly test parental limits ("terrible
twos"), and consistent and loving parental responses can
build the child’s self‐esteem for years to come.
Moving between the parents’ homes may be difficult for some
youngsters, and they may become upset at these times. For some
children, resistance to exchange time is normal. This behavior
doesn’t necessarily mean that the other parent isn’t a good parent or
that the child doesn’t want to be with the other parent. While
parents need to be sensitive to whatever the child is experiencing,
most children calm down shortly after the exchange. You can make
exchanges easier for your child by following predictable schedules,
avoiding conflict with the other parent in front of your child, and
supporting your child’s relationship with the other parent.
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
23
DESIGNING A PLAN FOR BIRTH TO 2 YEARS
Plans 1 and 2 are for
when:
• The child will spend
less time with one
parent because of
work schedules, living
arrangements, or
great distance
between homes, or
• The child has not yet
developed a bond with
a parent, or
• A parent has limited
parenting skills, or
• The child has
previously spent most
of the time with one
parent.
Plan 1 Three
periods of three to five hours
spaced throughout each week (See a sample
schedule on page 12.)
Comment: Frequent contact helps the child bond
with each parent, something that is important for
the child’s healthy development.
Plan 2 ‐‐ Two periods of four to six hours spaced
throughout each week (See a sample schedule on
page 12.)
Comment: This plan is more helpful than Plan 1
when the parents’ work schedules, living
situations, or levels of conflict with each other
make more frequent exchanges difficult. Because
this plan has only two visits each week, bonding
between the parent and child may take a little
more time, and the child may have difficulty going
from one parent to the other.
Vacation: Vacations that are much different from
the regular parenting time schedule aren’t
recommended unless the parents agree.
Holidays: Parents should consider dividing
holidays or special occasions in time blocks similar
to their regular parenting time.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Plan 3 is meant for
situations where:
• Parents have been
using Plans 1 or 2 for
some time, or
• Parents may start with
Plan 3 when both
Plan 3 – Two periods of three to five hours and
one period of eight hours spaced throughout each
week (See a sample schedule on page 12.)
Vacation: Vacations that are much different from
the regular parenting time schedule aren’t
recommended unless the parents agree.
1
3
2
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
24
5
parents have a bond
with the child, or
• When parenting skills
of each parent are
adequate, but where
one of the parents has
less available time
than the other to
devote to the child.
Holidays: Parents should consider dividing
holidays or special occasions in time blocks similar
to their regular parenting time.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Plans 4, 5, and 6 include
overnights. These plans
are for parents who:
• Have cared for the
child about equally, or
• Both know how to care
for the child overnight,
or
• Live close enough to
each other that the
child won’t have long
car trips between the
homes, or
• Can communicate and
cooperate with each
other about the child’s
care and wellbeing,
or
• Parents have been
successfully following
Plan 3 for a while.
•
Plan 4 Two
periods of three to six hours and
one overnight each week (See a sample schedule
on page 13.)
Plan 5 ‐‐ One period of three to six hours and two
non‐consecutive overnights each week. (See a
sample schedule on page 13.)
Plan 6 ‐‐ An equal parenting time schedule where
the child isn’t away from the other parent for
more than two consecutive days (See a sample
schedule on page 14.)
Comment: The use of Plan 6 requires a high
degree of communication between the parents, a
low level of conflict about how to parent, and
work schedules and living arrangements that
limit the difficulties on the child. Plan 6 is
designed only for those parents who can agree on
this plan.
Caution: Research clearly shows that children
are at risk of being harmed if parents argue, act
disrespectfully toward each other, and can’t talk
to each other about their child.
Vacation: Vacations that are much different
from the regular parenting time schedule aren’t
recommended unless the parents agree.
4
6
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
25
Holidays: Parents should consider dividing
holidays or special occasions in time blocks
similar to their regular parenting time.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
2 TO 3 YEARS
Ages two to three are an important time for children to develop
independent skills. Although children this age are learning to be
independent, they may still cling to their caregiver and resist
separation, even from one parent to the other. They may say "NO!" to
parents’ requests and demands just to express their independence.
They may also be fearful about unfamiliar activities and objects.
Predictable, regularly scheduled routines help children manage their
fears and help them learn that the world is a safe place. Moving
between parents' homes may become difficult for some children at
this age, and they may become upset. This behavior doesn’t
necessarily mean that the other parent isn’t a good parent or that the
child doesn’t want to be with the other parent. Parents must
continue to ensure that the transitions between the two parents’
homes are free of parental arguing and tension.
DESIGNING A PLAN FOR 2 TO 3 YEARS
Plans 3 and 4 are for
when:
• The child will spend
less time with one
parent because of
work schedules, living
arrangements, or
great distance
between homes, or
• The child has not yet
Plan 3: Two periods of three to five hours and
one period of eight hours spaced throughout each
week (See a sample schedule on page 12.)
Plan 3 Vacation: Vacations that are much
different from the regular parenting time
schedule aren’t recommended unless the parents
agree.
Plan 4: Two periods of three to six hours and one
overnight each week (See a sample schedule on
page 13.)
3
4
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
26
5
developed a bond with
a parent, or
• A parent has limited
parenting skills, or
• The child has
previously spent most
of the time with one
parent.
Plan 4 Vacation: Parents may have two one‐week
periods separated by at least four weeks. At
least 30 days before the planned vacation, each
parent must give the other parent written notice
of the travel dates. At least 3 days before travel,
each parent must give detailed information to the
other parent, including the places they’ll be going
and how to reach the child or the parent during
the vacation.
Holidays: Parents should consider dividing
holidays or special occasions in time blocks
similar to their regular parenting time.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Parents may start with
Plan 5 when:
• Both parents have a
bond with the child, or
• Parenting skills of
each parent are
adequate, but where
one parent has less
available time than
the other to devote to
the child, or
• Parents have been
using Plans 3 and 4 for
some time.
Plan 5: One period of three to six hours and two
non‐consecutive overnights each week. (See a
sample schedule on page 13.)
Comment: Ideally, a child this age shouldn’t be
separated on a regular schedule from either
parent for longer than three days. For legitimate
reasons, however, such as vacation and other such
reasons, children can be separated from either
parent for somewhat longer periods of time, up to
a week if need be.
Vacation: Parents may have two one‐week
periods separated by at least four weeks. At least
30 days before the planned vacation, each parent
must give the other parent written notice of the
travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the
other parent, including the places they’ll be going
and how to reach the child or the parent during
the vacation.
Holidays: Parents should consider dividing
holidays or special occasions in time blocks
similar to their regular parenting time.
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
27
����Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Plans 7 and 8 include
overnights. Plans 7 and 8
are for parents who:
• Have cared for the
child about equally, or
• Both know how to care
for the child overnight,
or
• Live close enough to
each other that the
child won’t have long
car trips between the
homes, or
• Can communicate and
cooperate with each
other about the child’s
care and wellbeing,
or
Parents can also change
to Plan 7 after successfully
following Plan 5 for a
while.
Plan 7: One period of three to six hours and two
consecutive overnights each week. (See a sample
schedule on page 15.)
Plan 8: Two days with one parent (including
overnights) followed by three days with the other
parent (including overnights) with this schedule
continuing over time. This plan requires both
parents to live near enough to one another, manage
conflicts away from their child, and communicate
well about their child. This plan may also be
appropriate when there is an older child who spends
considerable time with both parents. (See a sample
schedule on page 15.)
Vacation: Parents may have two one‐week periods
separated by at least four weeks. At least 30 days
before the planned vacation, each parent must give
the other parent written notice of the travel dates. At
least 3 days before travel, each parent must give
detailed information to the other parent, including
the places they’ll be going and how to reach the child
or the parent during the vacation.
Holidays: Parents should consider dividing holidays
or special occasions in time blocks similar to their
regular parenting time.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
8
7
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
28
3 TO 5 YEARS
Three‐ to five‐year‐olds are attached to their regular caregivers, and
separation may make them uncomfortable and anxious. They may
also be fearful about unfamiliar activities and objects and may
experience night fears like "monsters" under the bed.
Three‐ to five‐year‐olds may show increased emotional discomfort
when moving between parents' homes. Some of these children may
become very upset at these times. This behavior doesn’t necessarily
mean that the other parent isn’t a good parent or that the child
doesn’t want to be with the other parent. Parents can make
exchanges easier for children by following predictable schedules and
making sure the child isn’t exposed to conflict between the parents.
Children are more likely to resist going to the other parent if the
parents are tense or hostile or argue with each other at the exchange.
If tension is present, the child might become difficult to manage or
might act out negative feelings. If parents can’t be nice to each other,
or at least civil, they should avoid talking to each other at these
exchanges. Parents must not use the child as a messenger to
communicate with the other parent. Children may also feel more
secure if they can take favorite stuffed toys, family photos, or other
objects that will remind them of the other parent.
After age three, children become more aware of holiday celebrations.
Parents should schedule holidays, which may be religious, cultural,
or national, that are meaningful to the child and the family. Parents
should also include birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day in the
parenting plan.
Three‐ to five‐year‐olds may benefit from structured time with
children their own age, away from parents. This time helps them
develop social skills and learn that they can be safe and happy away
from both parents.
DESIGNING A PLAN FOR 3 TO 5 YEARS
The plans suggested for the 2‐ to 3‐year age group are also appropriate for this age child.
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
29
10
11
9 Plans 9 and 10 are for
when:
• The child will spend
less time with one
parent because of
work schedules, living
arrangements, or
great distance
between homes, or
• The child has not yet
developed a bond with
a parent, or
• A parent has limited
parenting skills, or
• The child has
previously spent most
of the time with one
parent.
Plan 9: Two consecutive overnights every other
week. An additional three‐ to six‐hour period or
overnight may be added each week. (See a sample
schedule on page 16.)
Plan 10: Three consecutive overnights every other
week and an additional four‐ to six‐hour period each
week. (See a sample schedule on page 16.)
Vacation: Each parent may have up to 10 days in
town or out of town each year or two one‐week
periods taken separated by at least three weeks. At
least 30 days before the planned vacation, each
parent must give the other parent written notice of
the travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the other
parent, including the places they’ll be going and how
to reach the child or the parent during the vacation.
Holidays: See the “Holidays, Vacations, and School
Breaks” section on page 45.
����Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Parents may start with
Plan 11 when:
• Both parents have a
bond with the child, or
• Parenting skills of
each parent are
adequate, but where
one parent has less
available time than
the other to devote to
the child, or
• Parents have been
successfully using
Plan 11: Four consecutive overnights during Week
1 and one overnight during Week 2 (See a sample
schedule on page 17.)
Vacation: Each parent may have up to 10 days in
town or out of town each year or two one‐week
periods taken separated by at least three weeks. At
least 30 days before the planned vacation, each
parent must give the other parent written notice of
the travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the other
parent, including the places they’ll be going and how
to reach the child or the parent during the vacation.
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
30
13
Plans 9 and 10 for
some time.
Holidays: Parents may alternate, share, or split the
holidays for children of this age. The "Holidays,
Vacations, and School Breaks" section on page 45
offers some ideas of what to think about and how to
divide holidays and other special days.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Plans 12 and 13 include
overnights. Plans 12 and
13 are for parents who:
• Have cared for the
child about equally, or
• Both know how to
care for the child
overnight, or
• Live close enough to
each other that the
child won’t have long
car trips between the
homes, or
• Can communicate and
cooperate with each
other about the child’s
care and wellbeing,
or
• Parents have been
successfully following
Plan 1 for a while.
Plan 12: Split each week and weekend. (See a
sample schedule on page 18.)
Comment: This plan provides a consistent routine
and accommodates a young child's ability to be
apart from either parent for three to four days. It
also allows the child to have a "stay home" day
(Saturday or Sunday) with each parent each week,
which is helpful to many young children. If parents
dislike not having full weekend parenting time, the
schedule may be modified to allow full weekends
during the summer or on holidays. If desired,
parents may alternate exchanges so one week one
parent has three overnights and the other has four
overnights and the next week the number of
overnights is reversed.
Plan 13: Each parent has the same two consecutive
weekday overnights each week and alternates the
weekends. (See a sample schedule on page 19.)
Comment: This plan provides each parent with
alternating full weekends with and without the
children. The child is away from each parent during
alternate weeks for five days, which may be difficult
for some children this age. This is commonly
referred to as a 5‐2‐2‐5 schedule. This plan is ideal
when older siblings would benefit from this
schedule. This plan is helpful when the parents’
level of conflict makes exchanges difficult, because
all exchanges can take place at day care.
12
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
31
6 TO 9 YEARS
Six‐ to nine‐year‐old children may worry that one parent doesn’t
love them or that they will lose one parent. They may miss the
absent parent and feel sad, confused, and angry about their parents’
divorce. They also may try to get their parents to back together.
Some six‐ to nine‐year‐old children benefit from spending more time
at one home, while others move back and forth on a regular basis
with ease. Children differ in how long they are comfortable being
away from each parent. Some may be comfortable being away from
their custodial or primary residential parent on a regular basis for
two or more days. If the child has spent considerable quality time
with the parent who has parenting time, the child may cope better
with a long separation from the other parent. As a child matures,
longer periods of parenting time with fewer exchanges between
parents may be preferred.
In making a parenting time schedule, parents should keep their work
schedules in mind and try to use their time off from work to spend as
Vacation: Each parent may have up to 10 days in
town or out of town each year or two one‐week
periods taken separated by at least three weeks. At
least 30 days before the planned vacation, each
parent must give the other parent written notice of
the travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the other
parent, including the places they’ll be going and
how to reach the child or the parent during the
vacation.
Holidays: Parents may alternate, share, or split the
holidays for children of this age. The "Holidays,
Vacations, and School Breaks" section on page 45
offers some ideas of what to think about and how to
divide holidays and other special days.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
32
9
10
much time as possible with the child. If a parent’s work schedule
changes from week to week, the parenting plan may let that parent
spend time with the child on the parent’s days off from work after
giving plenty of advance notice to the other parent.
DESIGNING A PLAN FOR 6 TO 9 YEARS
Plans 9 and 10 are for
when:
• The child will spend
less time with one
parent because of
work schedules, living
arrangements, or
great distance
between homes, or
• The child has not yet
developed a bond with
a parent, or
• A parent has limited
parenting skills, or
• The child has
previously spent most
of the time with one
parent.
Plan 9: Two consecutive overnights every other
week. An additional three‐ to six‐hour period or
overnight may be added each week. (See a sample
schedule on page 16.)
Plan 10: Three consecutive overnights every other
week and an additional four‐ to six‐hour period
each week. (See a sample schedule on page 16.)
Vacation: Each year, each parent can take from to
two to four weeks of vacation with the child. Two
two‐week periods may be best for younger
children. If a four‐week vacation period is used and
the child is in town, the child should have the
opportunity to be with the non‐vacationing parent
for one weekend during the vacation period. At
least 30 days before the vacation, each parent must
give the other parent written notice of the travel
dates. At least 3 days before travel, each parent
must give detailed information to the other parent,
including the places they’ll be going and how to
reach the child or the parent during the vacation.
Holidays: Parents may alternate, share, or split the
holidays for children of this age. The "Holidays,
Vacations, and School Breaks" section on page 45
offers some ideas of what to think about and how to
divide holidays and other special days.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
33
11
Parents may start with
Plan 11 when:
• Both parents have a
bond with the child, or
• Parenting skills of
each parent are
adequate, but where
one parent has less
available time than
the other to devote to
the child, or
• Parents have been
using Plans 9 and 10
for some time.
Plan 11: Four consecutive overnights during Week
1 and one overnight during Week 2. (See a sample
schedule on page 17.)
Vacation: Each year, each parent can take from to
two to four weeks of vacation time with the child.
Two two‐week periods may be best for younger
children. If a four‐week vacation period is used and
the child is in town, the child should have the
opportunity to be with the non‐vacationing parent
for one weekend during the vacation period. At least
30 days before the planned vacation, each parent
must give the other parent written notice of the
travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the other
parent, including the places they’ll be going and how
to reach the child or the parent during the vacation.
Holidays: Parents may alternate, share, or split the
holidays for children of this age. The "Holidays,
Vacations, and School Breaks" section on page 45
offers some ideas of what to think about and how to
divide holidays and other special days.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Plans 12, 13, and 14
include overnights. These
plans are for parents who:
• Have cared for the
child about equally, or
• Both know how to
care for the child
overnight, or
• Live close enough to
each other that the
child won’t have long
Plan 12: Split each week and weekend. (See a
sample schedule on page 18.)
Comment: This plan lets the parents take part
about equally in the child’s school life. It provides a
consistent routine, accommodates a child’s ability
to be apart from either parent for three or four
days, and allows the child to have a "stay home" day
(Saturday or Sunday) with each parent each week,
which is helpful to many young children. Parents
who want full weekends with or without the child
may not like this schedule, but it can be written to
allow full weekends during the summer or on
holidays. Also, the schedule can be written so that
12
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
34
13
car trips between the
homes, or
• Can communicate and
cooperate with each
other about the child’s
care and wellbeing,
or
• Parents have been
successfully following
Plan 11 for a while.
in Week 1, Parent A has three overnights and
Parent B has four, and in Week 2, Parent B has
three overnights and Parent A has four.
Plan 13: Each parent has the same two
consecutive midweek overnights each week and
alternates the weekends. This is commonly referred
to as the 5‐2‐2‐5 plan. Each week, the child spends
Monday and Tuesday night with Parent A and
Wednesday and Thursday night with Parent B. In
Week 1, the child spends the weekend with Parent
A. In Week 2, the child spends the weekend with
Parent B. (See the sample schedule on page 19.)
Comment: This plan provides each parent with
alternating full weekends with and without the
children. The child is away from each parent during
alternate weeks for five days, which may be difficult
for some children. This plan is helpful when the
parents’ level of conflict makes exchanges difficult,
because all exchanges can take place at school or
day care.
Plan 14: The parents share time with the child
during alternating seven‐day periods. A midweek
overnight period is optional with the parent who
doesn’t have parenting time that week. The best
exchange time in most cases is Friday after school
or work. (See a sample schedule on page 20.)
Comment: The more consistent the child’s life is
from week to week, the easier it is for the child.
Parents who can’t communicate and work well with
each other will find it hard to make this plan
succeed for the child. For example, if one parent
wants to enroll the child in karate lessons on
Tuesday evenings, the other parent should take the
child to karate when the child is with that parent.
As another example, the child may have a hard time
in school if Parent A handles homework differently
than Parent B. All exchanges for this plan can take
place at school or daycare if desired.
14
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
35
Vacation: Each year, each parent can take from to
two to four weeks of vacation time with the child.
Two two‐week periods may be best for younger
children. If a four‐week vacation period is used and
the child is in town, the child should have the
opportunity to be with the non‐vacationing parent
for one weekend during the vacation period. At
least 30 days before the planned vacation, each
parent must give the other parent written notice of
the travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the other
parent, including the places they’ll be going and
how to reach the child or the parent during the
vacation.
Holidays: Parents may alternate, share, or split the
holidays for children of this age. The "Holidays,
Vacations, and School Breaks" section on page 45
offers some ideas of what to think about and how to
divide holidays and other special days.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
10 TO 12 YEARS
Ten‐ to 12‐year‐old children often want to be independent from
their parents and are becoming more attached to their friends. They
may blame one parent for the divorce, may be angry and
embarrassed by the breakup of the family, and may side with one
parent.
Children of this age often want to have a say in where they live.
Parents should let them express their views, while making it clear it
is up to the parents to make the final decisions. As children begin
junior high school, parents should make sure the parenting plan
considers the child’s school and extracurricular activities. The
parents also should consider the child’s desire for an occasional
overnight with friends away from both homes. Parents should be
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
36
9
flexible while at the same time making sure that each parent has
parenting time regularly.
DESIGNING A PLAN FOR 10 TO 12 YEARS
Plans 9 and 10 are for
when:
• The child will spend
less time with one
parent because of
work schedules, living
arrangements, or
great distance
between homes, or
• The child has not yet
developed a bond with
a parent, or
• A parent has limited
parenting skills, or
• The child has
previously spent most
of the time with one
parent.
Plan 9: Two consecutive overnights every other
week. An additional three‐ to six‐hour period or
overnight may be added each week. (See a sample
schedule on page 16.)
Plan 10: Three consecutive overnights every other
week and an additional four‐ to six‐hour period
each week. (See a sample schedule on page 16.)
Vacation: Each year, each parent can take from to
two to four weeks of vacation time with the child.
Two two‐week periods may be best for younger
children. If a four‐week vacation period is used and
the child is in town, the child should have the
opportunity to be with the non‐vacationing parent
for one weekend during the vacation period. At
least 30 days before the planned vacation, each
parent must give the other parent written notice of
the travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the other
parent, including the places they’ll be going and
how to reach the child or the parent during the
vacation.
Holidays: Parents may alternate, share, or split the
holidays for children of this age. The "Holidays,
Vacations, and School Breaks" section on page 45
offers some ideas of what to think about and how to
divide holidays and other special days.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
10
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
37
11
Parents may start with
Plan 11 when:
• Both parents have a
bond with the child, or
• Parenting skills of
each parent are
adequate, but where
one parent has less
available time than
the other to devote to
the child, or
• Parents have been
using Plans 9 and 10
for some time.
Plan 11: Four consecutive overnights during Week
1 and one overnight during Week 2. (See a sample
schedule on page 17.)
Vacation: Each year, each parent can take from to
two to four weeks of vacation time with the child.
Two two‐week periods may be best for younger
children. If a four‐week vacation period is used and
the child is in town, the child should have the
opportunity to be with the non‐vacationing parent
for one weekend during the vacation period. At least
30 days before the planned vacation, each parent
must give the other parent written notice of the
travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the other
parent, including the places they’ll be going and how
to reach the child or the parent during the vacation.
Holidays: Parents may alternate, share, or split the
holidays for children of this age. The "Holidays,
Vacations, and School Breaks" section on page 45
offers some ideas of what to think about and how to
divide holidays and other special days.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
Plans 12, 13, and 14
include overnights. These
plans are for parents who:
• Have cared for the
child about equally, or
• Both know how to
care for the child
overnight, or
• Live close enough to
each other that the
child won’t have long
Plan 12: Split each week and weekend. (See a
sample schedule on page 18.)
Comment: This plan lets the parents take part
about equally in the child’s school life. It also
provides a consistent routine, accommodates a
child’s ability to be apart from either parent for
three or four days, and allows the child to have a
"stay home" day (Saturday or Sunday) with each
parent each week, which is helpful to many young
children. Parents who want full weekends with or
without the child may not like this schedule, but it
can be written to allow full weekends during the
summer or on holidays. Also, the schedule can be
12
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
38
13
car trips between the
homes, or
• Can communicate and
cooperate with each
other about the child’s
care and wellbeing,
or
• Parents have been
successfully following
Plan 11 for a while.
written so that in Week 1, Parent A has three
overnights and Parent B as four, and in Week 2,
Parent B has three overnights and Parent A has
four.
Plan 13: Each parent has the same two
consecutive midweek overnights each week and
alternates the weekends. This is commonly referred
to as the 5‐2‐2‐5 plan. Each week, the child spends
Monday and Tuesday night with Parent A and
Wednesday and Thursday night with Parent B. In
Week 1, the child spends the weekend with Parent
A. In Week 2, the child spends the weekend with
Parent B. (See the sample schedule on page 19.)
Comment: This plan provides each parent with
alternating full weekends with and without the
children. The child is away from each parent during
alternate weeks for five days, which may be difficult
for some children. This plan is helpful when the
parents’ level of conflict makes exchanges difficult,
because all exchanges can take place at school or
day care.
Plan 14: The parents share time with the child
during alternating seven‐day periods. A midweek
overnight period is optional with the parent who
doesn’t have parenting time that week. The best
exchange time in most cases is Friday after school
or work. (See a sample schedule on page 20.)
Comment: The more consistent the child’s life is
from week to week, the easier it is for the child.
Parents who can’t communicate and work well with
each other will find it hard to make this plan
succeed for the child. For example, if one parent
wants to enroll the child in karate lessons on
Tuesday evenings, the other parent should take the
child to karate when the child is with that parent.
As another example, the child may have a hard time
in school if Parent A handles homework differently
than Parent B. All exchanges for this plan can take
place at school or daycare if desired.
14
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
39
Vacation: Each year, each parent can take from to
two to four weeks of vacation time with the child.
Two two‐week periods may be best for younger
children. If a four‐week vacation period is used and
the child is in town, the child should have the
opportunity to be with the non‐vacationing parent
for one weekend during the vacation period. At
least 30 days before the planned vacation, each
parent must give the other parent written notice of
the travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the other
parent, including the places they’ll be going and
how to reach the child or the parent during the
vacation.
Holidays: Parents may alternate, share, or split the
holidays for children of this age. The "Holidays,
Vacations, and School Breaks" section on page 45
offers some ideas of what to think about and how to
divide holidays and other special days.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
TEENAGERS (13 TO 18 YEARS)
The teenager is developing greater independence and beginning to
separate from the family, including both parents. Teens start to feel
like young adults who think they no longer need their parents, but
they also have times when they still want their parents to take care
of them. They begin to plan for driving and dating, and they are
thinking about college or work.
They are feeling the pressures of school, family, and friends, and they
may not like a strict parenting time schedule. They may show their
dissatisfaction by becoming irritable or moody or having an attitude
they never had before. Many lack the skills to express the many
strong but conflicting emotions that go along with growing up. When
parents are establishing a parenting time schedule or thinking about
making changes in an existing schedule, they should give more
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
40
thought to the needs and wishes of their teenager. Parents should let
them express their views, while making it clear it is up to the parents
to make the final decisions.
During a separation or divorce, parents often feel the need to pull
their teen closer to them to reassure themselves they aren’t losing
their child to the other parent. Sometimes parents are tempted to get
their child on their side. A teen may avoid both parents or reject one
parent and cling to the other, especially if the parents are putting
them in the middle of their conflict. Some teens want little or nothing
to do with either parent and turn to friends or
others to talk to who aren’t part of the conflict.
Teens are often confused and angry at the way
their parents are acting and may feel their
parents haven’t been concerned about how
the divorce or separation is affecting them.
The strong conflicting emotions they
experience may cause them to act in new and
unfamiliar ways as they struggle to deal with
these changes in their lives. Therefore, parents
shouldn’t assume that their child’s mood swings or acting out are
caused by the other parent.
13 TO 15 YEARS – EARLY TEENS
Children between ages 13 and 15 continue to use the family as a base
of support and guidance. This is a time when the child is striving for
independence but still is tied to the parents. Teens, for many
different reasons, begin to assert more independence at different
ages. Decision‐making abilities vary widely among teens in this age
group as well as from one situation to another.
Teens often have outside interests that compete with the scheduled
parenting plan. They frequently prefer to spend more time with their
friends than their parents and may become resentful or angry if they
can’t do what they want to do.
Teens may try to reach a deal with one or both parents to get what
they want, which may affect either parent’s parenting time. It’s
important for parents to talk with each other to decide when their
parenting plan should be more flexible.
Parents should let their teen
express his or her views, while
making it clear it is up to the
parents to make the final
parenting time decisions.
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
41
16 TO 18 YEARS – LATE TEENS
It’s important for parents of teenagers of this age to maintain the
child’s accessibility to school, friends, extracurricular and
community activities from both homes.
Teens may feel they should have more independence and may resist
a rigid parenting time schedule. Parents must add greater flexibility
to the parenting plan by thinking about the child’s wishes and
deciding parenting time issues with the child. That way, teenagers
won’t feel forced to comply with a parenting schedule in which they
had no say but instead will feel like they are doing something they
want to do.
Your teen may benefit from a primary home base, with specific
evenings, weekends, and activities at the other home scheduled on a
regular and predictable basis. More than anything, your teenager
will usually want a say in the parenting plan but the teen doesn’t get
to choose. Regardless of your teen’s needs, the parenting plan should
include the considerations listed below:
• work
• extracurricular activities
• social life
• increased schoolwork
• jobs
• peer relationships
• sports
Many teens prefer one primary home (close to their friends), and
weekends or evenings with the other parent. Some will prefer a
balanced, 50‐50 plan with their parents. Much of this will depend on
the history of the relationship with each other, the distance between
parents, and the parents’ availability to meet their child’s needs.
DESIGNING A PLAN FOR TEENS
Parents of teens should think about the child’s schedule and
commitments, distance between the parents’ homes, each parent’s
work schedule or other obligations, the child’s temperament and
wishes, and a teen’s need for unstructured time.
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
42
9
Parents may need to think about many circumstances when making
schedules for teenagers. Their involvement with school, friends,
clubs, sports, or other commitments can create an exhausting
schedule. The result may be that the teen is home for little more than
sleeping and eating, leaving no time for family or parents.
Parents may lose a lot of time with their teens because activities or
friends take even more of the teen’s time. Planning the schedule of a
teen that can balance all of these areas may require the help of
professionals, such as counselors, mediators, or parenting
coordinators, who have created such plans, if the parents are unable
to do so.
It’s challenging to create parenting schedules for this age group
because each family’s circumstances are unique. It’s especially
important for parents to be flexible when creating a parenting plan
with a teenager. When parents agree, a flexible schedule may work
best for a teen as long as the parents are able to work together with
little conflict and the teen spends time with each parent. In this case,
teens can plan their schedule based on their activities and social
lives. The amount of time they spend at either parent’s house is due
to the teen’s interests, not a preference for one parent over the other.
Having “No Plan” may be an acceptable alternative that doesn’t favor
one parent and yet still allows the teen to have a schedule that
supports his or her life. The fact that there is no plan shouldn’t
undermine the parent‐child relationship.
This is also a time when children may talk about a desire for a home
base because of the growing importance of their own friends and
activities. Both parents can increase contact through regular
attendance at the child’s athletic, performance, academic, or other
activities. This allows for a large amount of parental involvement in
activities important in the child’s life.
Although many different
plans may work for teens,
here are general options
that can be a framework
for developing a plan.
Plan 9 ‐‐ Two consecutive overnights every other
week. An additional three‐to six‐hour period or
overnight may be added each week. (See a sample
schedule on page 16.)
Comment: Provides a home base for the child with
time with the non‐residential parent during the
week and on weekends.
It’s important
for parents to
be flexible
when
creating a
parenting
plan with a
teenager.
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
43
13
Plan 10 ‐‐ Three consecutive overnights every
other week and an additional four‐ to six‐hour
period each week. (See a sample schedule on page
16.)
Comment: This may or not occur, depending on
the teen.
Plan 11: Four consecutive overnights during Week
1 and one overnight during Week 2. (See a sample
schedule on page 17.)
Plan 12: Split each week and weekend. (See a
sample schedule on page 18.)
Comment: This plan lets the parents take part
about equally in the child’s school life. It also
provides a consistent routine, accommodates a
child’s ability to be apart from either parent for
three or four days, and allows the child to have a
"stay home" day (Saturday or Sunday) with each
parent each week. Parents who want full weekends
with or without the child may not like this schedule,
but it can be written to allow full weekends during
the summer or on holidays. Also, the schedule can
be written so that in Week 1, Parent A has three
overnights and Parent B as four, and in Week 2,
Parent B has three overnights and Parent A has
four.
Plan 13: Each parent has the same two consecutive
midweek overnights each week and alternates the
weekends. This is commonly referred to as the 5‐2‐
2‐5 plan. Each week, the child spends Monday and
Tuesday night with Parent A and Wednesday and
Thursday night with Parent B. In Week 1, the child
spends the weekend with Parent A. In Week 2, the
child spends the weekend with Parent B. (See the
sample schedule on page 19.)
Comment: This plan provides each parent with
alternating full weekends with and without the
children. The child is away from each parent during
alternate weeks for five days.
11
12
10
Child Development and Suggested Parenting Plans
44
Plan 14 ‐‐ Alternating seven‐day periods with or
without mid‐week time. Mid‐week time may add
more scheduling challenges. (See a sample schedule
on page 20.)
Vacation: Each year, each parent can take from to
two to four weeks of vacation time with the child.
Two two‐week periods may be best for younger
children. If a four‐week vacation period is used and
the child is in town, the child should have the
opportunity to be with the non‐vacationing parent
for one weekend during the vacation period. At
least 30 days before the planned vacation, each
parent must give the other parent written notice of
the travel dates. At least 3 days before travel, each
parent must give detailed information to the other
parent, including the places they’ll be going and
how to reach the child or the parent during the
vacation. Keep in mind your teen’s work schedules
and extracurricular activities.
Create your own schedule using the sample
form on page 9.
14
45
HOLIDAYS, VACATIONS, AND SCHOOL BREAKS
The schedule for holidays, vacations, and school breaks takes
priority over the regularly scheduled parenting time. In deciding
how to schedule these events, think about it from your child’s point
of view. Children enjoy having the opportunity to have special time
with each parent and extended family members. Each parent may
need to encourage his or her extended family to adjust some of their
schedules so the child can participate in celebrations during
parenting time. Also, think about the child’s need to have contact
with the other parent during extended vacation time. Scheduled
phone calls during a vacation can help reduce anxiety for both the
parent and the child without disrupting the vacation.
Whenever the child will be traveling to a different place, it’s
important for the parents to share information about where they will
be staying, how they can be contacted, and when they will be
returning. If the vacationing parent provides a written schedule that
includes this information, the non‐vacationing parent will be assured
of the ability to communicate in case of emergency. In that same way,
the non‐vacationing parent should provide contact information if he
or she will not be at home during the child’s vacation.
In determining what to do about school breaks, consider the child’s
activities and the availability of one or both parents during the
break. If the child needs day care, the parents can consider a plan
that minimizes day care during the break. If both parents must work,
the child may still enjoy a break from the regular schedule that
allows him or her to spend more time with a parent than is usual.
HOLIDAYS
The first step is to decide what holidays either of you wish to
celebrate. Keep in mind the traditions the child has experienced
through his or her life and how the holiday parenting time might
affect these traditions and the child’s security. Children thrive on
healthy traditions and celebrations and respond more
enthusiastically to a plan when both parents work on it together and
support it.
Holidays, Vacations, and School Breaks
46
Here’s a list of typical holidays. Choose the ones that apply to your
family and add any others that should be included in the parenting
time plan.
Independence Day/4th of July Martin Luther King, Jr./Civil
Labor Day Rights Day
Rosh Hashanah Halloween
Yom Kippur Presidents’ Day
Veterans’ Day Passover
Thanksgiving Easter
Hanukah Mother’s Day
Christmas Eve Memorial Day
Christmas Day Father’s Day
New Year’s Eve Child’s birthday
New Year’s Day Parents’ birthdays
After you decide which holidays apply, think about whether all
holidays should be handled the same way or whether it makes more
sense to divide some and alternate some. Many parents agree that
the children will be with the mother every Mother’s Day and the
father every Father’s Day. Many parents divide most of the holidays
but split up the time on days that are special for both parents, such
as Christmas Eve and Christmas or the child’s birthday.
VACATIONS
Most parents agree to a set time for each parent to enjoy a vacation
with the child. Whether you’re traveling for vacation or just staying
home, your child will enjoy spending any time you can take away
from work with you. Whether a parent has the ability to take time off
from work, vacation parenting time is intended to allow each parent
the chance to either travel or stay home and spend an uninterrupted
period of time with their child.
A child may become anxious if away from a parent for much longer
than usual. Scheduling a phone call midway through a weeklong
vacation, for instance, may help the child handle the separation.
Sometimes frequent calls from the “away” parent can cause the child
to feel sadness and longing. If both parents are sensitive to the needs
of their child, they can find a balance between contact and too much
contact. If a long vacation period is going to be spent at home, or
Holidays, Vacations, and School Breaks
47
close to home, it might make sense to break it up with a short visit
with the other parent. Parents need to make all of these decisions
ahead of time to reduce conflict between them and to provide
predictability for the child.
Because transportation, weather, and other issues can cause
problems during travel, it’s important to provide the other parent
with details about when and where travel will occur. Details include
flight numbers and times, hotels, places where the child will be
staying, and telephone numbers. If an emergency arises, a parent
should be able to contact the other parent or the child. The parent
traveling with the child should have passports, travel documentation
(including a notarized consent to travel form if traveling outside the
United States), updated medical information, insurance cards,
prescriptions and any other special supplies the child will need.
Communication about when each parent will use vacation time
needs to take place well in advance of the vacation. Because of school
schedules, most parents plan vacations in the summer and will often
set a deadline to communicate the dates of their vacations. For
instance, if each parent has a two‐week period, they may decide that
in even years, Parent A will have the first chance to choose the
vacation dates and must communicate those days in writing by April
1; Parent B will then choose the vacation dates out of the remaining
dates and communicate those days in writing by April 15. In this
example, Parent B would have first choice in odd‐numbered years.
SCHOOL BREAKS
School districts will determine the break schedule and usually
publish their yearly calendars well in advance. Most districts have
websites that provide current schedules. As with holidays, the first
step is to determine which breaks the school observes. Schools may
have spring, summer, fall, and winter breaks as well as early release
or other school release days.
If the parents have a regular parenting time schedule with nearly
equal time, many parents will not change the parenting time
schedule during the school breaks. The regular schedule will
continue. Other parents will decide to alternate breaks each year or
share the break by splitting the time between each parent. Since the
Holidays, Vacations, and School Breaks
48
breaks sometimes occur at the same time as the holidays, such as
Christmas or Passover and Easter, it may be helpful to look at the
holiday schedule at the same time when planning the break
schedule.
Here are some ideas on how to share the holidays and language you can use when you create your
parenting plan.
Divide Split the day or weekend (not necessarily equally) between both parents.
Sample parenting plan language: The children will be with Parent A on
________________ (name the specific holiday, such as Thanksgiving) from 9:00 a.m. to 2:00
p.m. and with Parent B from 2:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.
Alternate The children are with one parent on specified holidays in even years and with the
other parent in odd years.
Sample parenting plan language: The children will be with Parent A on
________________ (specific holiday, such as Thanksgiving) in all even years from 9:00 a.m.
to 5:00 p.m. and with Parent B in all years from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Substitute The children always spend a specific holiday with one parent (for example,
Halloween) in exchange for a different holiday with the other parent (for example,
Fourth of July).
Sample parenting plan language: The children will spend ________________ (specific
holiday, such as Fourth of July) each year with Parent A and ________________ (specific
holiday, such as Halloween) with Parent B each year.
Follow The children follow their regular schedule and celebrate the holiday with the
regular assigned parent who has parenting time on that day or time.
schedule
Sample parenting plan language: The children will celebrate ________________
(specific holiday, such as Fourth of July) as it falls on the regularly scheduled parenting
time.
49
LONG–DISTANCE PARENTING AND RELOCATION
Parents must be aware of the impact of relocation on their child and
that relocation may require the permission of a judge. Long‐distance
parenting rules can apply whenever the move between homes is
more than 100 miles or there is travel between two states. Please
read the Arizona relocation statute, A.R.S. § 25‐408, before thinking
about a move. The statute permits a long‐distance move of a child
only when the move is in the best interests of the child. The statute
can be found in public libraries or on the Internet by following the
links at 0www.az.gov.
Disagreements about long‐distance parenting time often result in the
judge making a decision. Unfortunately, a decision by a judge may
not please either party. Each relocation case is unique, and the right
decision is based on the specific facts for each family. Parents should
make a serious effort to resolve a parenting time dispute themselves
or with the help of a mediator, or an attorney. Any reasonable
agreement between the parents negotiated in good faith is usually
better than having a judge decide the matter after the expense and
stress of a court hearing.
A parent who wants to move a long distance with, or without, a child
should think about many things before making a decision. Long
distances often weaken the relationships between children and
parents. If the move is necessary, parents might want to consider
relocating both households to the same city. If it isn’t possible,
parenting time for the distant parent must be at regular and frequent
times during the year. The court considers many factors, and parents
should think about these factors. Each parent should take a moment
and “stand in the other parent and the child’s shoes.” What is their
point of view? How would I feel if my child moved away to another
city? Think about all the facts including the age and maturity of the
child, the child’s developmental needs, sibling bonds, school and
work schedules, transportation costs, the presence of supportive
family and friends in each city, and the gains or loss of extended
family.
For most children, a long‐distance move may result in less regular
contact with both parents. If both parents are within a reasonable
distance of each other, the child benefits. When parents live far
Long-distance
parenting means
sacrifice – in time
and in money. It
requires a strong
commitment by
each parent to
ensure
involvement by
both parents with
their child.
Long-Distance Parenting and Relocation
50
apart0
1, a child’s daily and weekly contact is reduced and large gaps of
time without physical contact between the child and parent develop.
When both parents move to the same general area, it is less
disruptive. No matter the distance, a child will benefit from as much
regular and frequent physical contact with each parent as possible.
GENERAL RECOMMENDATIONS
When parents live far apart, there should be a minimum of four
blocks of parenting time between the child and parent each year.
Blocks of time should occur over the summer, winter break, spring
break, and at least one other block of time. When the parents live
close enough to each other, parents can add once‐a‐month weekend
time during the months not covered by the four parenting time
blocks. When the driving distance is under four hours, the
opportunity exists to add every‐other‐weekend contact or long
weekends in the plan.
Holidays and special occasions are challenging for parents who live
far apart. As children reach age three, they become aware of
holidays. Parents must be flexible, cooperative, and allow the child to
enjoy special times with each parent. New family traditions may
develop for each household. Parents should arrange for the many
religious, cultural, or national holidays that exist in each home
including family birthdays and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
Long‐distance parenting is expensive. The cost of travel is covered in
the child support guidelines. If the court hasn’t said who pays for the
travel expenses in the child support order, the parents should agree
on how to share these costs before a move. In the case where the
move is necessary, the costs usually are divided in proportion to the
parents’ incomes. However, if the move is voluntary, the moving
parent usually pays a greater percentage of all travel costs. A cost‐saving
idea is to have the distant parent do most of the traveling and
not the children.
1 The term “far apart” means different things to different people. The courts examine long‐distance parenting
when the distance in time for travel or miles is so great that it has a serious impact on a child’s welfare.
Children
generally are
resilient
following their
parents’ divorce,
and those who
have healthy
relationships
with both parents
can thrive.
Long-Distance Parenting and Relocation
51
Example: Jaime and Pat move from Florida to Arizona in 2005 because of
Pat’s job. They have a twoyearold
daughter and a son who is five. Both
parents work. Jaime has two weeks of vacation each year and Pat has four
weeks. During the marriage, Jaime was the primary caregiver and Pat
was an active secondary caregiver. This year they file for divorce. Jaime is
an only child whose elderly parents live in Florida. Jaime wants to move
back to Florida to have more income and to be closer to them. Pat’s job
requires travel out of state for a week each quarter. Pat wants to remain a
vital and active parent in the children’s lives. The parties ask for a
resolution management conference with the judge to help sort out the
move dispute.
The judge suggests:
1) Pat ask at work about a hardship move back to Florida
2) The parents price the cost for a joint move or a delayed move by Pat
with reimbursement
3) The parents think about sharing the cost of moving Jaime’s parents to
Arizona
4) Jaime use job services in both locations to compare the incomes (while
keeping in mind the added costs Jaime could face for transportation of the
children)
5) Jaime consider staying in Arizona until the children are both school age
6) The parents sacrifice their vacation time to always vacation in the
same location as the other parent until the children are old enough to
travel unaccompanied by a parent
7) The parents meet in mediation to explore more options
8) The parents continue to discuss solutions between themselves or
through their attorneys.
AGE-SPECIFIC RECOMENDATIONS
BIRTH TO PRE-SCHOOL
This is an important time for bonding between parents and children.
For most children, the loss of a strong bond is a lifelong issue. In
contrast, building a strong bond creates a sense of belonging,
encourages active and committed parents, causes healthy adult
relationships with both genders, facilitates co‐parenting, and
improves communication between parents and a growing child. If
possible, the long distance separation should be delayed so that both
parents and children can make best use of their time together during
these formative years. If the move can’t be delayed, the parenting
Long-Distance Parenting and Relocation
52
time schedule should be designed to provide the most direct and
frequent physical contact between the child and both parents that
time and money permit.
KINDERGARTEN TO 12 YEARS
The parties should continue to make the most of the time each
parent has with the child. The schedule should be adjusted to follow
closely the child’s regular school schedule. The school year parent
must sacrifice frequent physical contact during non‐school times
such as the summer and holidays, while the non‐school parent must
sacrifice frequent physical contact during the school semesters.
Some schools have year‐round or modified year‐round schedules
that provide for more frequent or longer breaks with the distant
parent. If parents can find a school with such a schedule, this will be
of assistance to children.
13 TO 15 YEARS
The parties should continue to take full advantage of the time each
parent has with the teen. The schedule should continue to follow
closely the available times from the teen’s school schedule. The
distant parent may need to accommodate the school schedule and
extracurricular activities. The school parent may need to sacrifice
holiday time to offset the parenting time lost by the distant parent.
Weekend parenting time may become more difficult during the
school year because of the teen’s involvement with school activities,
work, and friends. Flexibility by both parents is critical. Parents can
expect the teen to start to try to negotiate time with both parents.
Consider your teenager’s ideas in your decision‐making. Expect that
some teens may want to switch hometowns for the opportunity to
get to know the other parent better. As with any plan, parents must
make the final decision about schedules. Summer parenting time is
even more important to ensure that the distant parent and teen have
a continuing relationship. The distant parent should make every
effort to provide matching activities, summer school classes, or
employment opportunities for a teen so that the teen remains
enthusiastic about continuing the summer schedule.
16 TO 18 YEARS
Teens at this age normally think of themselves as young adults
preparing for the world ahead of them. Parents can guide their
teenager by permitting greater responsibility and independence.
One opportunity to make them good decision‐makers is with the
Long-Distance Parenting and Relocation
53
parenting time schedule. Ask their opinion, listen to what they have
to say, and give them choices. Teens want their parents to be
available but also want to control their own day‐to‐day activities.
Communication and compromise will lead to the desired flexible
schedule.
Example: Chris and Terry have been divorced for four years in Arizona and
both have remarried. Each parent has a new toddler. The parties have
teenage twins, a daughter and a son. The twins live primarily with Chris
and spend substantial time with Terry. Chris and Terry have continuing
conflicts. The twins are entering their sophomore year of high school. This
year, Chris gave Terry timely notice of an intent to move to California at the
end of the school semester because Chris’s new spouse is being transferred
to Sacramento. Terry objects and files a request to prohibit the relocation
of the twins. Chris says Terry is opposing the move out of spite. Terry says
Chris is using the move to damage further Terry’s relationship with the kids.
The parties ask for a resolution management conference with the judge to
help sort out the move dispute.
The judge suggests:
1) The parents put aside their conflict and consider the impacts, pro and
con, of the move on the teens
2) The parents consider child interviews
3) Chris’s new spouse ask at work about a hardship move back to Arizona
4) The parents price the cost for transportation to and from California
5) The parents seek advice from educational professionals on the impact of
a change in high schools
6) The parents meet in mediation to explore more options
7) The parents continue to discuss solutions between themselves or through
their attorneys.
GENERAL TIPS
AIR TRAVEL
Ideally, a child younger than eight shouldn’t travel alone. If it’s
necessary for a child to travel by air, direct flights between major
cities are preferred over multiple stops or plane changes. To save
costs, tickets should be priced at a 30‐day advance notice, economy
class, on major carriers. Consult each airline for how and when
unaccompanied or monitored minors may fly. Remember that if a
person younger than 18 is traveling in the United States alone or
Long-Distance Parenting and Relocation
54
with only one parent or another adult, a court order or certified
consent letter proving that both parents permit the trip should be
carried.
DELAYS AT EXCHANGE POINTS
Communication is never more important than when a long‐distance
exchange occurs. Keep your contact numbers current and notify each
other of the safe arrival of your child. Also, be sure to keep each
other informed of any unforeseen delays as soon as possible. Discuss
in advance what a reasonable waiting time is for each means of
transportation.
DROP‐IN VISITS
Opportunities can occur for either parent to be in town when the
children are in the care of the other parent. When such opportunities
arise, parents should be flexible and set aside normal routines to
allow contact on short notice. A lot of good faith can arise from such
cooperation. Remember, the shoe may be on the other foot someday.
FREQUENT MOVES
Families benefit from financial stability in their lives. It’s also a fact
that the average U.S. family moves every five years. Typical reasons
include jobs, health, education, marriage, and family emergencies.
However, when either parent moves frequently and without good
reason, that parent can expect to bear the burden of the move and
pay more for the costs and travel time for parenting.
INTERNATIONAL PARENTING TIME AND BORDER TRAVEL
International parenting time and travel have unique challenges.
Children may leave the country without restriction but can’t return
without proof of citizenship. Passports and visas are required. The
primary custodial parent should safeguard these documents and
make them easily available to the other parent at the scheduled
times and places of exchange. Likewise, the documents should be
returned promptly at the conclusion of parenting time. The non‐custodial
parent should keep copies of important travel documents.
For the latest requirements, review the crossing borders section of
the U.S. Department of Homeland Security found on the DHS web
page at 1http://www.dhs.gov/xtrvlsec/crossingborders/. For long‐term
planning, review the information found in the Office of
Children’s Issues, U.S. Department of State, found on its web page at
2http://travel.state.gov/family/about/about_605.html.
Long-Distance Parenting and Relocation
55
MILESTONES AND CHILD DEVELOPMENT
The parent who is away from the children for a significant length of
time may be out of the loop on their general welfare. It’s important
for each parent exercising parenting time with the children to keep
the other informed about school progress, awards, special
recognition, report cards, sports performance, physical and
emotional health concerns, extracurricular activities, and other
important milestones and developments in the child’s life. Likewise,
the child should know the significant, age‐appropriate events in each
parent’s life during his or her absence. All are equally important.
Traveling or shared journals are a useful tool for such purposes.
TIME LOSS FOR TRAVEL
In a long‐distance parenting plan, anticipate the loss of time with
children by both parents because of travel over great distances.
Building parenting time into travel may be a possible solution. Travel
time activities can be a chance for parents and children to transition
and enhance their relationship. Thus, when possible, the receiving
parent should be the accompanying travel parent.
“VIRTUAL PARENTING”
Maintaining contact by phone, letter, text messaging, e‐mail, web
cam and other technological means may be helpful and worthwhile
for long‐distance parenting. However, virtual parenting is not an
ideal substitute for regular in‐person contact, and it shouldn’t be
used as an alternative that decreases the parenting time of a parent.
WILD CARDS
Parents can expect pre‐teens and teens, at a certain level of age and
maturity, to start to negotiate with both parents about their living
arrangements. One solution is to build into the plan some “wild card”
days for the child to choose to expand or contract time inside an
otherwise fixed schedule.
56
SPECIAL ISSUES
Some children may have a parent who wants to become part of their
lives after years, or a lifetime, of not being involved with them. Other
children may have a parent who was in their lives at one time but
left, and then, after many months or years, wants to be part of their
lives again. The emotional issues for both children and the custodial
parent are often very complicated and difficult to understand. Most
children and parents need professional help to build trust between
the child and the absent parent. This kind of help is called
reunification counseling. The time it takes for the counseling to be
successful will depend in part on the child’s age and personality.
Counseling also can help parents learn to communicate and
cooperate. This kind of counseling is called co‐parent counseling.
Today, at least one‐third of all children in the U.S. are expected to live
in a stepfamily before they reach age 18. When two families unite,
new personalities, habits, rules, and memories become part of the
household. Most blended families are capable of working out their
differences or conflicts and living together successfully. It takes
patience, open discussion of feelings, positive attitudes, mutual
respect, and thoughtful planning on the part of both parents
(biological and step) to make the formation of a new family succeed.
Parents also need to be sensitive to the children’s needs (those of
their children and those of the other parent) and understand that
blended families are complex.
No matter how hard the parents try, when two separate families
come together under one roof, there will be conflicts. Children can be
sad or fearful as these changes occur, and it takes time for them to
adjust to the new family. Several common problems can occur within
a blended family. One problem is discipline. The parents should
agree and explain to the children if and how a stepparent is going to
discipline stepchildren. Another possible problem is what name the
children are to call the stepparent. In addition, some children want
time alone with their biological parent and may become angry when
the parent spends time with the new partner and his or her children.
There are also children who resist developing a close bond with a
stepparent because they fear this could anger their biological parent
of the same gender. Family counseling for all family members may be
needed if a child continues to resent a stepparent, if a stepparent
continues to resent a stepchild, if a stepparent continues to openly
BLENDED (STEP)
FAMILIES
ABSENT PARENT
REUNIFICATION
Special Issues
57
favor his or her children, or when a member of the family continues
to avoid contact with the new family members. Here are some tips
for parents and stepparents to create positive relationships for each
member of the blended family:
• Be sensitive about introducing a new partner into your
children's lives.
• Spend some alone time with your own children so they don’t feel
overshadowed by the new family members.
• Discuss parenting problems with the other parent away from the
children.
• Avoid any display of favoritism regarding your children.
• Let the children choose an appropriate name or title for the
stepparent.
• Plan regular family meetings to discuss all members’ needs.
Pediatricians agree that breast‐feeding is best for most babies. There
is no proof, though, that breast‐fed babies form closer relationships
with their parents than do bottle‐fed babies. Children develop secure
and positive relationships when they have frequent contact with a
parent who holds, talks, comforts, and feeds them in a sensitive and
caring manner.
Parents who are not raising their child together must balance the
baby’s need to nurse with its need to bond with the father. The
parents should talk often and openly with each other about the baby.
Breast‐feeding shouldn’t be used to stop the father from spending
time with the child. Instead, mothers need to offer the father
parenting time, and fathers need to be flexible regarding the need of
the baby to nurse. A father can feed an infant with the mother’s
expressed (pumped) milk, particularly after nursing routines are
well established. If there are any questions about breast‐feeding,
parents should talk to the baby’s pediatrician.
Some children find it hard to go from one parent’s home to the other,
and they express these feelings through their behavior. There are
many reasons why some children say they do not want to spend time
with the other parent. Some of the reasons have to do with a child’s
age and personality, while for others it has to do with how their
parents get along. How a parent reacts to a child not wanting to be
with the other parent can also affect whether the child or teen is
willing to be with the other parent. Toddlers, for example, may not
yet understand what is happening to them at exchange time, and
BREAST-FEEDING
CHILDREN WHO
DON’T WANT TO
SPEND TIME WITH
A PARENT
Special Issues
58
they may cry when they leave one parent. This is a natural reaction,
and these children usually calm down once they are distracted and
are engaged in a fun activity. Sometimes children just don’t want to
stop doing what they are doing because they’re having fun. Other
children may not have gotten used to being in a new environment,
and they would rather stay in a home and a neighborhood that they
know. Parents can help children adjust by understanding their
feelings but insisting that they spend time with the other parent, just
as a parent would do if the child doesn’t want to go to school.
Parents should also understand that sometimes there are problems
that need to be worked on through counseling. For example, some
children may have serious problems getting used to a parent’s new
partner and his or her children. There are also children who are
caught in the middle of their parents’ conflict and who may take
sides with one parent and refuse to do what any parent or judge tells
them to do about spending time with the other parent. In situations
like this, professional help is usually necessary. If there are concerns
that the children don’t want to go because they’re being abused or
neglected, Child Protective Services should be contacted.
An incarcerated parent is still a parent to a child. In many cases, a
child has a legal right and an emotional need to remain in contact
with the parent in prison. It’s important to understand that the
needs of the child may be different from the custodial parent’s needs
regarding contact with the incarcerated parent. Before a child visits
the parent in jail or prison, the custodial parent should talk to the
child about what to expect. After the visit, the child should be
encouraged to talk openly about thoughts and feelings regarding the
visit, and the custodial parent should respond sensitively.
Many parents co‐parent well, but some do not. Some parents argue
with each other when they exchange the children or talk to each
other on the phone. They sometimes blame the other parent for the
problems they’re having, and in extreme cases, some parents tell the
children how bad the other parent is.
When parents do these things, children can develop emotional and
behavioral problems. They may become fearful, thinking that they’re
the cause of their parents’ fighting, finding themselves having to
choose between their parents, or developing low self‐esteem.
CONTACT WITH AN
INCARCERATED
PARENT
HIGH CONFLICT
Special Issues
59
For parents who can’t cooperatively co‐parent, parallel parenting is a
way for them to raise their child with little contact between each
other. Each parent makes day‐to‐day decisions about the child while
the child is with the parent. With parallel parenting, communication
between the parents is limited, except in emergencies, and usually is
in writing. A co‐parent therapist or a parent coordinator often helps
parents handle parallel parenting arrangements.
In some counties, parents can attend high conflict resolution classes
or cooperative parenting classes. In these classes, parents learn that
any continuing conflict between them will likely have a long‐term
negative effect on their children. They also learn skills to be better
co‐parents.
The reality for military families is movement. When parents are first
divorced or separated, they may live in the same community. This
will require a parenting plan that focuses on sharing the child when
the parents live close to each other and allowing for temporary duty
assignment (TDY) possibilities. Military families should think about
including a long‐distance parenting plan in case parents are no
longer living in the same area. Detailed travel arrangements are an
important part as well as allowing for deployment and TDY issues.
Parents may want to think about how parenting time can be
rearranged because of temporary duty assignments or overseas
commitments. One idea is to extend summer or winter breaks to
allow for such situations.
Maintaining contact between the child and the non‐residential
military parent is important. The residential parent can support the
child’s relationship with the other parent by having a consistent plan
of communication with the other parent. It may seem at times (to the
residential parent) that he or she is shouldering most of the
responsibility for fostering the child’s relationship with the absent
parent. It’s important to know that the child will benefit from this
effort as the child gets older.
When parents aren’t married to each other when their child is born,
the biological father has no legal right to custody or parenting time
until paternity is legally established and the court orders custody
and parenting time. The court also will not order child support until
paternity is legally established.
MILITARY
NEVER MARRIED
Special Issues
60
When a parent hasn’t had parenting time with the child before, the
court may order limited parenting time at first and gradually
increase it over time. The court may order supervised parenting time
at first until the parent has gained parenting skills and the child feels
comfortable with the parent.
Unmarried parents may not know each other very well and as a
result can’t rely on previous experiences of working together as
parents. If the parents never lived together or did so only for a short
time, they will have to develop a cooperative co‐parenting
relationship. The parents may find joint counseling helpful.
The extended family members should be supportive of each parent’s
relationship with the child. It’s important for each parent to be
responsible for his or her relatives and to ask them to support the
child’s relationship with the other parent.
A child who has had little or no contact with the other parent may
have developed an important relationship with someone he or she
perceives as a parent. A child could have difficulty coping and
adjusting to a parent who reappears after a long absence. See the
section on page 56 concerning reunification.
Protective Orders When
an Order of Protection is in effect, the
parenting plan cannot include contact that would violate it. Only the
court can change a protective order. If there is a protective order
between you and the other parent, you may ask the court to change
the protective order to allow parenting time exchanges in specific
locations with no contact between the two of you. You also can ask a
third person to help transport the child for parenting time
exchanges.
Domestic Violence When
there has been a history of significant
domestic violence, the court will not order joint custody. The
parenting plan must provide for the safety and well‐being of the
child, if the child was present when domestic violence occurred (See
A.R.S. § 25‐403.03 for more specific information.) In cases of
domestic violence, the plan may provide for supervised parenting
time during which a specified adult must be present. The plan should
name the person who will supervise the parenting time. Some courts
have supervision programs but many do not. If there is no court
supervision program available, the supervisor named in your plan
SAFETY
Special Issues
61
must be a responsible adult who has time to supervise the parenting
time and can act calmly and maturely with the parent who is being
supervised.
Alcohol or Drug Use or Abuse If
you’re concerned about the other
parent’s alcohol or drug abuse, the parenting plan may provide for
drug testing or include other provisions limiting alcohol or drug use
during parenting time for one or both parents. If testing is required,
the parenting time order should state how often testing will happen,
who will pay for it, and what will happen if there is a positive test.
It’s a good idea to keep siblings together. Sometimes, though, this
isn’t possible. Consider the unique needs of your children when
deciding how much time each parent will spend with each child. For
example, when there’s a wide age difference between siblings, the
parenting plan might include some alone time with the parents for
each child. Remember, the plans based on ages are only suggestions.
Parents may decide that a certain plan works best for all of their
children, even though that plan is not recommended for a child’s age.
Almost one‐third of all children under the age of 18 suffer from one
form or another of on‐going mental or physical health problems. It’s
important that both parents understand the health problems and
agree to follow the treatment the doctor recommends. In most cases,
it’s best when both parents attend the doctor appointments. The
more serious the child’s health problem, the more the parents need
to talk to each other and keep each other informed. The parents
must also learn to organize medication, medical equipment, and
treatments. When the parents have joint legal custody, they both
need to be involved in major decisions about medical treatment,
unless their court order says something else. The parenting time
schedule should fit the child’s medical needs.
A parent may be tempted to involve a third party (such as a
boyfriend or girlfriend, grandparents, or friends) in parenting time
exchanges or discussions with the other parent. If there is any
chance of conflict with the other parent, letting a third person speak
for you usually is not a good idea and can make matters worse.
Instead, a neutral third party, such as a mediator or a parenting
coordinator, may be able to assist parents in resolving their disputes.
SCHEDULES FOR
FAMILIES WITH
CHILDREN OF
DIFFERENT AGES
SPECIAL NEEDS
CHILDREN
THIRD-PARTY
INVOLVEMENT
62
PROFESSIONAL SERVICES FOR PARENTS AND CHILDREN
Given the differing circumstances in each family, courts use a variety of community professionals to
help. Some of the services offered by mental health experts are outlined below. The use of such
professionals does not mean one of the family members suffers from a mental disorder. Helping
identify problems that can affect your children and getting the right person to help starts when you
know the different types of services and can request the ones that best suit your family.
ALTERNATIVE DISPUTE RESOLUTION (ADR): SOLVE IT WITHOUT A
JUDGE
Collaborative
Divorce Coaching
and Consulting
Team approach to divorce involving the parents, their attorneys, financial
analysts, consultants, and others who provide information and education to
help resolve parental disputes without court involvement.
Conciliation Court
or Conciliation
Services
A department within the superior court of each county that offers
alternative dispute resolution services as ordered by the court for those
involved in family law cases. Services provided may include: parent
education classes, conciliation counseling, custody/parenting time
mediation, parenting conferences, evaluations, and parenting coordination.
Each county may offer different services, and in some counties, services may
be contracted out to private providers.
Mediation Uses a variety of negotiation tools and strategies to assist parents to reach
agreement about all aspects of child custody and parenting plans.
Parenting
Coordinator
Case management, dispute resolution process using mediation and
arbitration concepts to help implement parenting plans.
ASSESSMENT: PROVIDING INFORMATION TO THE JUDGE
Brief Focused
Evaluation
Less comprehensive evaluation focused on addressing specific issues
or updating an already‐existing parenting plan.
Child Custody
Evaluation
Comprehensive fact‐finding process resulting in extensive decision‐making
and parenting time recommendations. Especially helpful where
there are high‐conflict parental relationships, relocation issues, or
allegations of sexual abuse, child abuse, or domestic violence.
Professional Services for Parents and Children
63
Child Forensic
Interview
Specialized interview of a child to answer specific questions for the
court without involving the child directly in the legal system.
Neuropsychological
Evaluation
A process by a medical professional to determine if a person has a
physical brain injury that significantly disrupts the person’s life,
typically manifested by “short fuse” violence and post‐traumatic stress
disorder.
Psychological
Evaluation
Process using psychological tests, interviews, and observations to
evaluate mental status and functioning or treatment needs.
Psychosexual Risk Process using psychological tests, polygraphs, interviews, and
observations to evaluate the potential risk for physical and/or sexual
abuse of children.
THERAPEUTIC: GETTING HELP
CoParenting
Therapy Joint parental therapy intended to increase positive coordination by
parents and reduce conflicts.
Family Therapy Treatment provided when two or more members of the family need
treatment in order to normalize and stabilize functioning.
Forensic Therapy Non‐confidential treatment provided by a therapist ordered by the
court . It’s common for a forensically informed therapist to write a
report for the court.
Therapeutic
Intervention
Treatment and case management often used in therapeutically complex
cases or in reunification cases where intervention focuses on
supporting the renewal of a relationship between a parent and a child.
Therapeutic
Supervision
Supervision of parent‐child contacts provided by a therapist.
OTHER
Court Self-Service
Center
Provides people who choose to represent themselves in family cases
with information and access to reasonably priced forms. The
information is intended to help you help yourself through the court
system.
64
WORDS YOU MAY NEED TO KNOW
This is not a list of legal definitions. It has been prepared for use by persons who are not lawyers.
Access, Visitation, Parenting Time – Words
used to describe the schedule of time that
a child has with each parent.
Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) –
Ways to solve legal problems without a
trial. Examples include mediation,
resolution management conference, or
other settlement methods.
Attachment – Positive feelings of the child
toward parents and other parent figures.
“Best Interests of the Child” – When a judge
decides a custody or parenting plan issue,
the judge decides what would be best for
the child based on all the information.
Bonding – Close relationship that develops
between a young child and a parent or a
parent figure.
Confidentiality – Private information that
cannot be shared with anyone else except
as required by law.
CoParenting
– When parents share the
responsibility for raising a child even
when the parents do not live together.
Court Order – A written order made by a
judge that must be followed.
Dissolution of Marriage – Divorce.
Divorce – The legal process of dissolving a
marriage.
Domestic Violence – Domestic violence is
legally defined in Arizona in A.R.S. § 13���
3601(a) as a criminal act of physical,
verbal, or sexual behavior or threats or
intimidation by one partner toward
another. Significant domestic violence is a
factor considered in determining
parenting time decisions under 3A.R.S. §
25‐403.03.
Exchange – Pick‐up and drop‐off of a child
between parents or other caregivers.
Family Law – The laws that relate to family
relationships. They include laws about
divorce, paternity, custody, parenting
plans, property and debt division, child
support, spousal support (“alimony”), and
other topics. The laws are based on
statutes, rules, and reported court
decisions.
Filing – Giving your legal papers to the Clerk
of the Court.
“Frequent and Continuing Contact” – How
the law refers to children having regular
and ongoing contact with parents.
“Full Custody” ‐ This is not a legal term
defined by law in Arizona. In Arizona, the
term is not used and it has no meaning.
However, often this term is confused with
“sole custody.” (See Sole Custody.)
Words You May Need to Know
65
Hearing – A scheduled appearance in court
where parents and attorneys may call
witnesses and introduce evidence.
Holiday Plan – A part of the parenting plan
that specifies how children will spend
holidays with each parent and defines
each holiday so both parents know when
the holiday begins and ends.
Joint Legal Custody – Both parents share
major decision‐making for their children.
Neither parent can overrule the other
parent unless specifically allowed by the
parenting plan or by court order. See also
Legal Custody. (See 4A.R.S. § 25‐402(2).)
Joint Physical Custody – The child has
roughly the same amount of time and
contact with both parents. This does not
mean the parents have Joint Legal
Custody. See also Physical Custody. (See
5A.R.S. § 25‐402(3).)
Legal Custody – The right of a parent to make
major decisions for the children. Major
decisions may include medical care,
personal appearance, religion, or
education. Custody may be either joint
with both parents or sole with one parent.
(See 6A.R.S. § 25‐402.)
Maternity – A legal action that results in a
court order naming the child’s mother.
Mediation – A meeting with a mediator who
helps the parents try to solve problems
cooperatively. Mediation may occur face
to face or separately, if necessary.
Mediation is confidential. The mediator
does not tell the parents what they should
do or make a recommendation to the
court. (See Rule of Family Law Procedure
66.B(4).)
Mediator – A trained, neutral third party who
helps the parents try to solve problems
cooperatively through mediation.
Modification of Parenting Plan – Changes to
the parenting plan. If agreed to, the
changes can be enforced only if they are
submitted to and ordered by the court. If
the parties cannot agree, one party can
request modification by filing a motion
with the court.
Order of Protection – See Protective Order.
Parallel Parenting – See “High Conflict” in
the Special Issues section on page 58.
Parenting Plan – A document that states
when the child will be with each parent
and how decisions will be made. The
parenting plan may be developed by the
parents on their own or with the help of a
professional such as a mediator, an
attorney, or a judge.
Parenting Time – The time a child spends
with each parent according to a court
order.
Paternity – A legal action that results in a
court order naming the child’s father.
Physical Custody – The actual physical
residence of the child at any given time.
(See and compare Joint Physical Custody
and Parenting Time.)
Words You May Need to Know
66
Primary Residence – The parent’s home
where the child physically resides most of
the time.
Protective Order – Refers to four types of
orders (Order of Protection, Emergency
Order of Protection, Injunction Against
Harassment, Injunction Against
Workplace Harassment) designed to
prevent violence or harassment between
parties. Any court in the state can issue
these special orders without notice to the
defendant. When the orders are set
without notice, hearings must be set
within 5‐10 days at the request of the
defendant. (See Rule 1B of the Arizona
Rules of Protective Order Procedure.)
Rules of Court – Court procedures are
controlled by rules. Family law is
controlled by the Arizona Rules of Family
Law Procedure (ARFLP). The ARFLP can
be found at the local law library or at:
7http://www.supreme.state.az.us/rules/ra
md_pdf/R‐05‐0008.pdf. The ARFLP can
also be supplemented by local county
rules.
Sole Custody – When only one parent has the
right to make major legal decisions for the
child. The sole legal custodian may not
change the parenting time of the other
parent without agreement. (See Legal
Custody.)
Statute – A law passed by the state legislature
(or adopted by initiative). Most code
sections relating to family law are in Title
25 of the Arizona Revised Statutes (A.R.S.)
and are available at the county law library
or on the internet at:
8www.azleg.state.az.us/ArizonaRevisedSta
tutes.asp.
Stipulation – A formal agreement of the
parties. When it is written and signed by
both parties and then approved by a
judge, it becomes a court order.
Supervised Exchanges – Pick up and drop off
of the child in the presence of another
specified adult.
Supervised Parenting Time – Parenting time
during which the parent and child must
be in the presence of another specified
adult.
Therapeutic Supervision – Supervision of
parent‐child contacts provided by a
therapist.
Transition – The adjustment time for parents
and the child immediately before, during,
and after the exchange of the child
between the parents or other caregivers.
Trial – A formal hearing with witnesses and
evidence. (See Hearing.)
Virtual Parenting – Parenting time
facilitated by electronic means to
supplement, not replace, in‐person
parenting time. Examples include
telephone calls, web cam,
videoconferencing, instant messaging, on‐line
chatting, telephone texting, etc.
Visitation – This term is no longer preferred.
Instead, see Access, Parenting Plan or
Parenting Time.
Workgroup Members
67
WORKGROUP MEMBERS
CoChairs:
Colleen McNally, Presiding Family Court Judge
Superior Court in Maricopa County
John Rea, Associate Presiding Family Court Judge
Superior Court in Maricopa County
Members:
Faren Akins, Ph.D., J.D.
Psychologist and Attorney
Sidney Buckman, M.A., Coordinator
ADR and Conciliation Court
Superior Court in Coconino County
Edith A. Croxen, J.D.
Family Law Attorney, Pima County
Brooks Gibson, M.Ed., LPC
Child Custody Evaluator, Parenting Coordinator
Nancy Gray‐Eade, Director
Conciliation Court
Superior Court in Yuma County
Grace Hawkins, L.C.S.W., Director
Conciliation Court
Superior Court in Pima County
Marlene Joy, Ph.D.
Custody Evaluator, Parenting Coordinator
Steven K. Larson, J.D.
Family Law Attorney, Maricopa County
Judy Lewis‐Thome, Dipl.‐Psych.
Supervisor of Conciliation Services
Superior Court in Maricopa County
Kathy McCormick, Coordinator
Alternative Dispute Resolution
Superior Court in Yavapai County
Linda H. Miles, Judge
Superior Court in Maricopa County
Susanna Pineda, Judge
Superior Court in Maricopa County
Rhonda L. Repp, Commissioner
Superior Court in Yavapai County
Emmet Ronan, Judge
Superior Court in Maricopa County
Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D., ABPP (Forensic)
Psychologist, Custody Evaluator
K. C. Stanford, Commissioner
Superior Court in Pima County
Barrie Wagner, Psy. D.
Forensic and Clinical Psychologist
Staff:
Theresa Barrett, Manager
Court Programs Unit
Arizona Supreme Court
Kay L. Radwanski, Specialist
Court Programs Unit
Arizona Supreme Court
Tama Reily, Administrative Assistant
Court Programs Unit
Arizona Supreme Court
Special thanks to Gretchen Hornberger, law librarian, Superior Court in Coconino County, for her
assistance with editorial review.
Our appreciation to fasturtle technologies, LLC, for providing the cover design.
fasturtle technologies, LLC
14807 N. 73rd St. Ste 202
Scottsdale, AZ 85260
All rights reserved.
The model parenting plans presented herein may be copied, reproduced, and used by
parents and professionals who are attempting to resolve parenting issues. However, no
part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means, except for non‐profit
purposes, without permission in writing from:
Arizona Supreme Court
Administrative Office of the Courts
Court Services Division
This publication can be provided in an alternative format or other assistance may be
provided upon request by a qualified individual with a disability under the provisions of
the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Planning for Parenting Time: Arizona’s Guide for Parents Living Apart
© 2009 Arizona Supreme Court
Court Services Division, Court Programs Unit
1501 W. Washington, Suite 410
Phoenix, AZ 85007‐3231
(602) 452‐3360
